The term "virtual" is used for all particles contributing to an interaction that can be modeled with Feynman diagrams, when they are internal lines in the diagrams. For photons particularly

The line has the name of the corresponding particle because in addition to representing the four momentum $(E,p_x,p_y,p_z)$, transferred in the interaction, it carries the conservation of quantum numbers between vertices. The line has the attributes of the named particle, except the mass is off shell. In the above diagram, the photon has a non zero mass in the integral represented by the diagram, and the four momentum it carries varies between the limits of integration. That is why it is called virtual. It is only incoming and outgoing lines that can be measured and tested against the calculations. The fact that the calculations are successful in predicting crossections has validated the Feynman diagram approach.
You ask:
But what happens for electrostatics? The forces are presumably attributed to the flow of momentum associated with a continuing exchange of virtual photons. It seems like I'm free to define the rate at which virtual photons are exchanged.
For electrostatic forces the mathematical way is given in the answers to this question
The classical Coulomb potential can be recovered in the non-relativistic limit of the tree-level Feynman diagram between two charged particles.
It still depends on integrals over the variables of the exchanged photon:
An integral means that there is a continuous change in the virtual photon four vector, $(E,p_x,p_y,p_z)$ and depends on the limits of integration. No, you are not free to define anything. It is all constrained by the mathematics of computing Feynman diagrams, where virtual particles have a definition.
You ask:
The fact that the momentum/energy/frequency/wavelength of these virtual photons is not well defined doesn't seem like a very satisfactory conclusion, but is this the correct understanding?
The four vector of the virtual photon is incrementally defined within the limits of integration. For example, in the integral
$$
\int_0^4x\ \mathrm dx
$$
the value of x changes continually between 0 and 4. In the same way the four vector of the exchanged particle within the Feynman integral limits varies continuously.
Or is there something else in the specific configuration that would further confine the solution and help define the frequency of the virtual photons?
The frequency of the virtual photon depends on the $E$ of the four vector and varies continuously in the integration.
Edit : a simpler answer for the non physicality of the virtual photon in the diagram above is that from conservation of energy and momentum, and the fact that the two electrons have mass , the summed four vector has an invariant mass . This means the virtual photon carrying the four vector has a mass, which means it is not a real photon, as photons have mass zero.