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My protagonist had a traumatic experience that means she keeps her distance from men. Sometimes, if she genuinely feels in danger, all her actions will be calculated and thought-through. However, most of the time she subconsciously makes herself move to the other side of a table, stand and walk to a window, go and sit next to her female friend in order to distance herself from a man. She subconsciously notices when a man is too close without realising she has noticed. But how do I write this in first person?

First of all, what are key phrases I can use? Saying something like, "His steps led him closer toward me and I backed away," makes it sound too much like a conscious action.

Secondly, what are key words that I can use? "I glanced at him and moved further around the table," to me just feels far too aware.

Am I wrong? Do these examples actually sound fine? If not, how else should I describe these encounters, which happen frequently.

Ben
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BubbleQueen
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2 Answers2

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If it's something that is being done unconsciously, then the first-person narrator probably wouldn't realize she's doing it, until she had already done it, or someone else pointed it out.

Two quick examples:

Example 1

I sat down next to Bethany.

Bethany shook her head, "You're doing it again."

"What?"

Bethany nodded to where Eric sat, an empty seat to each side. "You walked around like four seats to sit here," she whispered.

"Oh," I said. Eric was still on the phone call. It didn't seem like he had noticed.

Example 2

"So, any news on the gummy bear shipment?" Eric asked.

I looked up. He had stayed by the door, while I had wandered to the window. It was my trama again.

Note: in the second example, you'd probably need a better name than trauma but, that's how I'd do it.

ShadowOfHassen
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If you're after a key phrase, something like "without thinking" or "I found that..." might work. And attributing actions to parts of the body will emphasise lack of conscious thought:

Without thinking, I found my feet had taken two steps backward as George approached me.

or

My hands had picked up the curiosity box and opened it. I don't know how.

user7761803
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