Could you describe a woman as "the apple of every man's eye in town" if she was sought after by all the men in town?

Question

Suggestions for other ways to describe such a person would also be appreciated

Answer 1

No, this description wouldn’t be appropriate. As Kate Gregory points out in a comment, ‘the apple of my eye’ is often used by doting parents/older relatives about children, and doesn’t work in a romantic sense.

You don’t give much context so it’s difficult to suggest a useful alternative. Any one line is going to depend on host of things, including where they are, when the story is set, the personalities involved, their relationship with each other, how they personally view the woman and what has been said in the argument so far. Knowing these things should help you write the right kind of line for your story.

A few possibilities off the top of my head that probably won't be applicable to your context, but might spark something:

‘You don’t stick a chance mate, every bloke here wants to get into her knickers.’

‘Every man here worships at her feet. What could she possibly want with you?’

‘Face it, Clifford, my daughter is more talented, better read and better looking than yours. Her suitors come from miles around.’

‘Lizzie’s sickening. She’s got all the men eating from the palm of her hand. What do I have to do to get noticed here?’

Answer 2

The answer is an emphatic yes. Further you could dress that up. In fiction, you want movement and flow, emotion, oomph, a pointed description and a hold-no-punches emphasis.

To say she was the apple of every man's eye in town was to massively, outrageously, understate the point. Clementine was far more than some common piece of fruit. She was the ship that launched. She was the summer's day. She was the drop-dead ten out of ten with a heart of gold.

In a word, irresistible.

If that's too expositional for your tastes, you can modify it so that it fits dialog.

"The apple of every man's eye? She's more than that, laddie. She's (etc)"

Answer 3

For fiction writing you need more exposition & less narrative.

Narrative tells the reader. Exposition shows the reader.

Narrative Example (less good)

George was a nice man.

Expositional Example (more good)

George looked at his watch and saw it was already 7:45am. Going to be late for the meeting and Mr. Murphy is going to kill me. He pushed his front door open and ran out toward his car. As George pulled the door open on his Jaguar X45 he heard a faint whimpering sound.

He dropped his brief case into the car and walked around to the passenger side and looked under the car. Nothing there. He looked at his watch again and felt a pulse of heat travel down his back. He heard the whimpering sound again and walked around to the back of his car and looked down at the storm drain. He held his tie back so it wouldn't get dirty and he looked into the drain and saw two eyes looking back.

The small dog he was now looking at let out a louder whine and he knew he'd have to get it out of the drain. He reached down and was just able to grab the dog by the scruff of the neck and hoist him out.

He pulled the dog close trying to calm it. "Hey little fella. How'd you get stuck down there?" He looked at his watch again. Murphy is going to fire me. He looked back into the puppy's eyes and said, "Well, I guess you can comfort me on those lonely days when I'm looking for my next job."

The Challenge It's a lot more work to write exposition (showing the reader) than it is to just tell the reader (narrative).

You can read more about this in an answer I posted here at Writing SE