I'm writing a book in which there is a character with no gender.
I don't know what pronouns I should use for this character.
I can't use he/she.
What pronouns should I use?
Example:
With gender:
She kissed him
Without gender:
It kissed him
It doesn't seem nice to say "It kissed him", especially with agender humans.
"They/them" is typically the modern way of referring to an agender, nonbinary or nonconforming person, unless that person has other preferred pronouns - usually they will tell you if that's the case. It may feel weird to use "they" at first because it is, strictly grammatically speaking, a plural pronoun, so sometimes people are confused by how to use it.
For your given example, you would simply say:
They kissed him.
To further illustrate this, I'll write you up a quick passage. You use "they" just the same as you would typically use it for groups of people.
They always had a knack for the chessboard. It was a way they had of asserting control over every piece, moving each one with a careful, measured precision. "It took me years of practice," they said, with obvious pride.
Alternatively, you can also look into neopronouns, but "they" should be completely fine for your purposes.
Edit: As noted in chat, there would also be a viable way to write an agender character by simply avoiding pronouns altogether. You would have to take special care to avoid clunkiness, but using only the character's name to refer to the person and simply choosing not to use pronouns at all is another completely valid option.
And, as noted in comments, you would have to take care to ensure that the usage of "they" is always clear, and refers specifically to the person in a way that's immediately obvious to the reader.
To go over your options:
Good:
Also good:
Gender neutral but not great:
Not gender neutral:
Gender neutral but dehumanizing:
It is the pronoun used for inanimate objects and animals (usually, though even animals are given gendered pronouns when known).
Polls (gender census) indicate that some people want to be referred to as it, though I have never seen this, ever. However, referring to a person as it is almost always intended as an insult, an insult I’ve seen used specifically to make real-life trans people feel less than human.
In the media, the same trope is used over and over again for the same purpose: "It" Is Dehumanizing (there are many, many examples, most of which have nothing to do with gender admittedly). Another trope and its criticisms may be relevant here as well, Non-Human Non-Binary: “This trope is sometimes used as a way of avoiding including genuine non-binary representation, or (worse) as a way to intentionally dehumanise non-binary people.”
For these reasons I would suggest avoiding it.
Complicated... but:
Multiple pronouns. It’s hard not to dismiss it off the bat but really it’s the “pronoun” of choice for many people. I’ve personally encountered this a lot, especially out of fiction. And — as alluded to above — reality means that the pronouns someone wants to be called by aren’t always (maybe not even usually) what they are called by. The obvious con to this is that there are many ways this can end up hopelessly confusing for the reader. The obvious pro is that it has so much room for nuance and likely will paint a more realistic and relatable picture — if it’s done well. No matter what pronoun you choose for your character, answering these questions will be helpful:
You can just mention that the character is agender (which is the term for when someone doesn't have a gender) and use she or he pronouns. This can be done because pronouns don't always equal gender. The pronoun 'they' itself is a good example of this. While 'she' and 'he' usually have a connection to a gender, 'they' doesn't have a specific gender you associate it with. A cisgender person can use she and they pronouns or they/them pronouns and still be cis, and someone who uses she and they pronouns can also be agender, transgender, even catgender or other neogenders while still using she! 'They' is typically associated with someone who is nonbinary, but nonbinary itself isn't really a specific gender, and not everyone who is nonbinary uses they pronouns. So if you think it'll be difficult, you can always explicitly state it in the beginning and use she and/or he.
With multiple pronouns, as Laurel suggested, these might work better with fewer characters around or with characters who have other unique pronouns. Specifically stating which pronouns the character uses would also be good so the reader can know to look out for that.
Historically, English used "he" as both the male gendered pronoun, and as the "unmarked" or generic pronoun, to be used when the gender was unknown, or for a fictional person such as the plaintiff in a hypothetical lawsuit where no gender had been assigned. This "rule" dates to the mid-18th century and was widely prescribed during the 19th and much of the 20th. Today, many people consider this usage offensive, and it is rapidly declining. I would advise against it.
In response to this, invented pronouns such as "Xi" and "Zie" were created, but none of them ever gained widespread usage, and few people continue to use them.
Many people now use "singular they" this was in frequent use as long ago as the fourteenth century, It was used by Chaucer and Shakespeare among many other well-known writers. Using this is unlikely to offend or confuse, but some still dislike it, and it does make grammatical rules about number agreement hard to follow in some cases, and can in some cases be confusing.
One can often avoid pronouns altogether, using the character's name or description directly. This will often give the writing an odd flavor. This may be desired to highlight the non-gendered nature of the character, or unwanted as drawing undue attention or breaking the flow of the writing.
I have seen works where the author alternates chapters, calling a person of unknown gender "she" in the first, chapter, "he" in the second, "she agaion in the third, and so on. I found this both confusing and affected.
I recall one popular SF series in which female characters referred to people of unknown gender as "she" while male characters used "he". This seemed too subtle to make its point, but might work for fiction set in a society quite different from our current one. So might the use of an invented pronoun.
The choice for a writer depends on the desired effect. If one wants to sound like a traditional writer of say 1750 to 1960, use "he". If one wants to sound like many current writers as of 2021, use "they". If one want to emphasize the difference of a specific agendered character from other characters, use an invented pronoun or avoid pronoun use completely for that character. No one choice is best for every destined effect and audience.
American writer Marge Piercy proposed a new article, "per" (related to person) for speaking about all people regardless of gender. As in, "I saw per at the park today. I waved but I don't think per saw me."
Genderless character is assigned a "gender" nevertheless, just for the purpose of convenience. This gender is usually masculine, but can be feminine as well. This is a preferred approach when the character in non-human, but this character just can't be referred to as "it".
Pronouns "they" and "them" are used instead of "he"/"she". This is a preferred approach when the character is a human, and deliberately positioned as non-binary.
You said you want the equivalent of:
"She kissed him"
in which instead of "she" you have a genderless person.
Other answers so far have suggested to use "they", and I don't deny that this is becoming more and more accepted, but "they kissed her" will to most people sound like more than one person kissed her.
For example:
"Kelly kissed him"
"he" is actually a so-called unmarked pronoun, in contrast to "she" which is female. People these days don't learn that or refuse to understand it and insist that "he" is specifically male, and that's the problem. If you want to be grammatically correct, use "he".
Some languages don't have that problem. In Chinese, the symbols are different but pronounced the same, and native speakers don't have the gender hang-up that so many English speakers do, and often confuse them when speaking, since they simply don't think that way.
Understand your audience: will the readers embrace the "royal we" pronoun, or find it constantly annoying and sometimes confusing? Write for your paying readers.
For non-fiction (I published a lot, back in the day of print magazines for computer programmers), I was taught to just use plural. They can be perfectly correct if you refer to the group of all users rather than a single hypothetical user, consistently plural. That doesn't apply to your situation.
