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By “flow,” I do not mean rhythm or word structure or that stuff. I’m talking about phonemes.

I’ve read and reread the prose of a short story I’m currently writing. Multiple times. Aloud. Even ran it through those AI voice things to read it back to me every now and then. Sounds nice and crisp, if I may say so myself.

It’s just that, reading my stuff, I’ve noticed a tendency towards plosives and affricates. These give a harsh, jagged feel that’s not a problem in itself.

What I’m worried about is subconsciously overusing these sounds and accidentally making the entire piece sound tense, even the parts that are supposed to be downtime. Thinking about rewriting large chunk of the story to incorporate more fricatives and rounded vowels and whatnot. Give a “flowing” or “watery” vibe to parts I think should have it.

Am I overthinking this? Is this a legitimate issue to worry about? If so, are there other ways to remedy it?

Quietus
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  • If people are reading prose, they're probably not saying it to themselves in their head, still less saying it out loud, so I doubt they'll notice. – Stuart F Nov 07 '23 at 16:42
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    @StuartF Actually most people do say what they read to themselves quietly. Research has shown that the muscles in our vocal tract move ever so slightly when we read. This is called subvocalization. Suppression of subvocalization seems to impede understanding of what we read. That is also a reason why what we write should be "speakable" with ease and a pleasant rhythm. – Ben Nov 07 '23 at 18:42

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Prose can be lyrical and use the auditory quality of language to achieve some intended effect. For example, your snake people could use more slithering fricatives than your stone folk, whose language might contain more clacking plosives. Or you can accentuate a description with the fitting sounds.

But one of the main characteristics of good prose (today) is that it reads effortlessly and doesn't obtrude itself too much on the attention of the readers. Outside of experimental writing, such lyrical techniques should therefore usually be employed sparingly and be limited to some few short passages. A whole book of snake people taking in "ssssoundsss" will quickly become irritating and appear amateurish.

If you are unsure, the best approach is to give your text or a short sample to several (!) beta readers and ask them for feedback. Do not prime their attention by asking about phonemes, but allow them to freely comment on anything that they notice. Only if no-one mentions the sounds, ask them directly after (!) they have said everything they have to say.

Ben
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It is a legitimate issue as in people will notice, at least on a subconscious level.

As Ben suggests: beta readers. Ask them to hyper-focus on your voice and writing style, and see if something about the issue comes up. If it doesn't, I would recommend against trying to consciously change your phoneme preferences.

First, because if it's not a problem for the reader, it shouldn't be a problem for you.

Second, because it's going to be really hard and time consuming to change a habit that might be part of your writing voice (maybe even an integral one).

Third, while it's true that you can and should experiment with this kind of detail as well - you might want to play around with fricatives, why not - this should not make your standard writing process harder. In other words: there's experimentation and there's overthinking, and you don't want to indulge in the second.

Liquid
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