Subtle Difference in Sentence Structure

Question

"P-P-Potter," stammered Professor Quirrel. He grasped Harry's hand.

V.S.

"P-P-Potter," stammered Professor Quirrel, grasping Harry's hand.

In the first sentence, it feels as though Professor Quirrel waits for a second or two after talking to grasp Harry's hand while in the second sentence, it feels as though Professor Quirrel immediately grasped Harry's hand after talking, right?

I think the actions of the second sentence is as follows: Prof. grabs Harry's hand. Prof. stammers, "P-P-Potter." I mean, prof had already grabbed Harry's hand when started stammering. — 3N4N, Feb 26 '20 at 11:07
I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because answers to this would be primarily opinion-based. — levininja, Feb 26 '20 at 15:49
Periods have a way of doing that - implying a pause in between actions. I've dealt with the same question myself a lot. I'd have to agree with your interpretation. — Tasch, Feb 27 '20 at 00:39
@Tasch So in the second sentence, the talking and the action are not happening at the same time, right? He talks, then immediately grasps his hand, right? — austingae, Feb 27 '20 at 03:00
austingae - Personally, I would assume that in the first example, Professor Q stammers to Harry and then grabs his hand, while in the second example he speaks while grasping Harry's hand — Tasch, Feb 27 '20 at 04:07
@Tasch. Oh, I get it. So the second sentence is the equivalent to saying: "P-P-Potter," stammered Professor Quirrel as he grasps Harry's hand. — austingae, Feb 27 '20 at 04:08
Yeah, that's how it reads to me. Because having the comma there and then "grasping Harry's hand" right after, which is present tense, shows that that action is happening as the dialogue is being said. [Also this is totally unrelated but I clicked on your name and saw that you were 16 - I'm in highschool too so yay for Confused High School Writing Gang) — Tasch, Feb 27 '20 at 04:51

score 0 · Answer 1 · edited May 06 '20 at 10:13

The first one is clunky. The second one is smoother.

Commas are helpful; the first one is harder to read with the period. With a period you pause, whereas a comma is like a divider. For example: "I hate apples, so I toss the apple in the trash." The part "I hate apples" is like a thought and "I toss the apple in the trash" is an action.

You don't get the same thing with a period. "I hate apples. I toss the apple in the trash." Sure it's good but you can always do better.

If you read your story and you have to pause and reread a sentence then you did something wrong. You never want a reader to have to reread a sentence; it ruins the mood that you set in your story.

Hope this helps! :)

Subtle Difference in Sentence Structure

1 Answers1