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**I asked this question in English.SE, but someone suggested to move it here

What are some phrases/expressions that explains someone's fear/reluctance of doing something terrible (like murder for instance)?

(There is this character who must kill an innocent child to save someone he loves. Although he planned it, he is reluctant to carry it out, because now he realizes the atrocity of what he's going to do)

Nht_e0
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    This is off topic here because asking what to write is very unlikely to help anyone else. I have viewed your question on English.SE, and all you need to do to make it on topic is provide an example passage in which you would use the word/phrase. Try looking at other questions tagged 'phrase-requests' and see how they ask. – Thomas Reinstate Monica Myron Jun 29 '18 at 20:33
  • What is he doing when he hesitates to kill the kiddo? – Mephistopheles Jun 29 '18 at 21:23

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In The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Stephan R. Donaldson redefines the word "Despair" to mean "Becoming The Thing You Despise". Years after reading those books, I discovered quite embarrassingly that his was not the real definition of that word. He had woven his own interpretation of our language into his writing so well that I believed it, even when learned people disagreed. I stood my ground until Websters proved me to be a fool.

I think that Donaldson chose to redefine "Despair" because there was no suitable word in English for the complex idea that he was trying to portray. I think you may be in a similar situation with your word quest.

From my own (very limited) vocabulary, I would suggest that "Integrity" comes closest to what you are seeking... or perhaps the word-pairing, "Self-Distrust".

Henry Taylor
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  • Here is another approach which might help... The psychological terms, "Autophobia" and "Monophobia" describe a fear of oneself or more specifically, a fear of what you are capable of doing if you are alone. – Henry Taylor Jul 12 '18 at 15:29