Husband stepped on the cat's head, and now she hates him

Question

While I was away, my husband gave my cat a bath and accidentally stepped on her head hard. She swelled up pretty bad, but she recovered.

Every time he gives her a bath now, her head swells.

But besides that, she hates him. With a passion. Whenever he is home, she hides. The only time she comes out is when he is not home or sleeping.

He hates when she hides from him, so he has tried blocking all of her hiding spots.

Her behavior has become more self destructive because of this. She hid in the wall and it took some time and a lot of force to get her out.

Is there a way to mend their relationship or is it a lost cause? She has bonded with me and is normally quite fond of me, but she never had a chance to bond with him.

To clarify from the comments:

She is only bathed when she pees or poops on herself. She has night terrors and pees the bed sometimes. I keep telling him she needs a safe place to hide, but he argues that our other cat doesn't feel the need to hide.

If he was to try and repair their relationship where could he start?

She will roam around and is quite social when he is gone or asleep. She is so sweet and lovable.

She is just terrified. I feel bad that I can see this wonderful side of her, but all he gets to see is fear and pain.

Answer 1

The cat is terrified of your husband and there is no chance of them bonding at this point and possibly never, unless he metamorphoses into a different person.

The fact he is angry with her when she tries to escape, because she is terrified is very telling. Cutting off her escape routes are cruel. Cats hate being bathed and do not need to be routinely bathed and most never have a bath.

It is impossible to accidentally tread on a cat's head whilst bathing them and inflict this type of injury.

Do not leave your cat alone with your husband.

Stop bathing your cat.

If at all possible find a kind home for your cat with experienced cat lovers who understand fearful cats. She needs a lot of care and a safe environment. She needs time to relax and be able to come to people she trusts.

I'm sorry, but your husbands actions are at best misguided, at worst sadistic. This is not want you want to hear and not the best way to welcome someone to the site. I do encourage you to post here about your cat and to seek help.

To respond to the extra information you've provided:

The only way her can repair the relationship is to not go after her and allow her to come to him, which may never happen.

Allow her to hide.

Get her vet checked to deal with the swollen head and the peeing and pooping herself.

Answer 2

Please don't get offended, but reading your description I think that your husband's actions and attitude towards the cat are bordering animal abuse and reek of aggressive frustration. I think the best you could do is find new home for the cat, considering her best emotional comfort.

For the greater good, I think your husband shouldn't be allowed in to come ever again in physical proximity of not only your cat, but any other animals. Well, maybe there are exceptions: I wouldn't mind him coming near an elephant as an elephant should be fairly safe from being accidentally crushed by his clumsy, stompy foot.

It is also just beyond me how could anyone "accidentally" step on cat's head. It's horrific.

So I apologize for my emotional and judgemental tone, I know it's inapriopriate but I'm severely shocked and deeply disturbed.

Answer 3

Ana, I'm going to make a bold statement, but cats do not have "night terrors".
If you've seen her going into a spasm, shaking uncontrollably and peeing and/or pooing herself, then your cat is almost certainly having epileptic seizures. It's not just people who have those.

I have helped to care for a cat who suffered a head injury which lead to some degree of brain damage.
She was subsequently diagnosed with and prescribed daily medication to treat epilepsy.
There are times she goes for days without showing any symptoms, and other times where she might have 2 seizures in a single day. She completely loses control, falls on her side with her legs straight & rigid, and shakes & cries. If she hasn't emptied her bladder recently then it all comes out onto her & the floor.
Yes she needs a bath afterwards - which she tolerates unhappily.

The description you've given, and the fact that you know that your husband has stepped on her head accidentally at least once lead me to believe that you urgently need to have her examined by a good vet, who needs to be told about her head injury and the fact that she loses control of herself to the point where she soils herself.

Over the last 6-7 years helping with cat rescue organizations, we have fostered easily over 100 different cats in our house, and the only ones which soiled themselves were kittens too young to know any better, and this one girl I described above.
For an adult cat, this is not normal behavior at all.
Please, take her to a vet.

I also fully agree with what everyone else has said regarding her and your husband.
The way he is behaving is not helping at all. She needs her safe spaces, and if she ever comes to him it'll be on her terms, not his. Ideally, you need to take over the baths when she needs them, because it seems that any contact with him only stresses her more.
By all means block off places where she can get into the walls because that's not safe for her, but please give her some places where she can hide & feel safe.

Answer 4

There is plenty of evidence that animals are not only intelligent, they also have emotions relating to our own. Your cat is terrified of your husband, who (I need to say) almost killed her.

Of course she wants nothing whatsoever to do with him. It's not like an apology would help. But your husband's expectations of the cat are completely lacking in empathy. He is angry whenever the cat rejects him. Maybe he feels guilty and wants to make it the cat's responsibility to end that feeling instead of just owning it and dealing with it like an adult should be able to do.

Is there any way to mend their relationship or is it a lost cause?

It is probably a lost cause, but let the cat decide, and at her own pace.

Talk to your husband, imagining it's the cat who almost killed him, and whenever he is afraid of the cat, she punishes him for his fear. I hope he can see his actions at best as being unkind towards the cat, and at worst, very damaging to her emotionally.

I'm not going to tell you to give up your cat, but you need to put your foot down where the cat is concerned.

Answer 5

Hiding in the shadows is a normal thing cats do - your other cat may do it significantly less because he is bigger, because he is more relaxed, less noticeably compared to the other one, or maybe because he doesn't have as much to fear as your other cat (who seems to, reasonably, be afraid of the man who blocks off all their hiding places and one time stepped on their head).

Even without the circumstances involved here, cats love to go into dark cramped places - it makes them feel safe and comfortable. By blocking off access to those places, you are going to severely stress out your cat, and make them even less sociable.

Stop discouraging your cat's cat-like behavior. Let them have quiet places they can be safe in without restriction. You don't need them to be out in public all the time, and it will do wonders for their mood. They may not want to snuggle or cuddle more than they currently do, but they will be happier and healthier, and that should be your primary concern.