If I give my daughter $50k for her wedding and she elects to use the money to pay down a house, can I sue her?

Question

Inspired by the following Reddit post.

My parents gave each of my brothers $50,000 when they graduated from university as a downpayment on their home. When I graduated they did not do the same for me. I asked about it and they said my husband should provide. I wasn't married. I still lived at home.

Three years later I met my husband. We dated for a year and then we got engaged. My parents were overjoyed. When we set a date they gave me a check for $50,000 to pay for the wedding. WTF?

I took the check and we eloped. We then used the check for a downpayment on a house. My husband had a similar amount saved up so we are in a good spot with equity.

My parents [are] furious that they didn't get a big wedding for all their friends and family to attend.

They said that they gave me the money for a wedding. My argument is that I got married and had leftover money. Accurate in my books.

My brothers are on their side so I am here to ask if I'm in the wrong.

In summary (correct me if there's a crucial detail that I didn't describe), the parents provided their daughter with $50k for her wedding. She decided to use it as downpayment for the house. The parents are furious, since they expected a big wedding which friends and family can attend. Daughter says she did have a wedding (described in a later comment as "an impromptu wedding ceremony in the backyard of [her] new house"), she just didn't use the full $50k for it.

Can the parents sue the daughter? I assume that if they can, it'd be as breach of contract, hence the tag.

Answer 1

If she broke a contract, yes

Putting aside that lawsuits end relationships, contracts between family members are just as enforceable as any other contract.

However, based on the information provided there are several issues with winning such a lawsuit:

1. Is this a contract?
2. If it is, what are the terms?
3. Have the terms been breached?
4. If so, what is the appropriate remedy?

See What is a contract and what is required for them to be valid?

The primary issue here is the intention to create legal relations and the normal considerations like offer and acceptance don’t apply to social agreements like between family members. Friends and family make agreements all the time that no one intends to have the force of law, that is, they don’t intend to enter a contract. No court is going to intervene in a dispute about pocket money for chores; even though all the other elements of a contract might be there, the parties did not intend that they would legally be forced to comply with the deal.

The mere fact of mutual promises does not create a contract. The law requires some evidence (express or implied) by the parties that they intend to make their promises legally binding. Two presumptions, both of which may be overcome by the evidence, have developed to help determine this:

1. an agreement in commerce or business is presumed to be a contract,

2. an agreement of a family, domestic, social or voluntary nature is presumed not to be contract.

When making a contract with a family member, both parties need to be really clear that it is a contract, preferably by documenting it explicitly as a contract. The best way to overcome this presumption is to have a document signed by both parties titled “Contract” and sign it in front of witnesses, but absent that, other circumstances may be enough.

If you can’t prove it was contract, then the money was a gift and gifts are unconditional.

Assuming that it is proved that there was a contract, there will no doubt be dispute about what its terms were. Specifically, what exactly did the daughter have to do in return for the money?

Again, ideally, that document titled “Contract” will spell this out so simply and straightforwardly that no one could be in any doubt about it. However, even the most well drafted contracts are rarely that unambiguous and a home-drafted contract is likely to leave even more room for argument.

Of course, if you are relying a verbal contract then it’s likely the parties will have divergent views on what was agreed.

If the terms were the money for the wedding, then the daughter has fulfilled her obligations. If it was for a particular style of wedding, or at a particular venue, or that the parents had to be guests, or etc. etc., then it’s arguable she hasn’t. So you can see why determining what the terms were will be crucial to the case.

Finally, the remedy would have to be determined. It’s possible that specific performance could be ordered although that’s unlikely. The parents would be entitled to a refund only if there was a complete and utter failure of consideration by the daughter - so if the contract was for a wedding, and there was a wedding, then the parents would only be entitled to damages for a breach. Such damages would be to put the parents in the position they would have been in but for the breach - these will be difficult to quantify.

TL;DR

If you want to give your daughter $50,000 because she’s getting married, give her $50,000.

However, if you want to pay for the wedding, ask her for the bills and pay the vendors directly.

Finally, if you actually want to enter a contract with a family member, hire a lawyer (each).

Answer 2

The answer by DaleM isn't wrong, but I would state it with a different emphasis.

It would be extremely rare for an intrafamily gift to be a binding contract, if it isn't part of a will or a trust.

On one hand, a promise to make a gift in the future is usually unenforceable for lack of consideration.

On the other hand, once the gift is made, it is virtually impossible to claw back (unless the donor was insolvent at the time that the gift was made and the person trying to claw back the gift is a creditor of the person making the gift, or the donor lacked the mental capacity to make a gift).

Gifts that limit the scope of what the gift can be used for can be made, and are common in charitable giving. But this kind of gift is virtually unheard of in the factual context of the question.

Can the parents sue the daughter?

Almost never. But there could be exceptions.